man it’s been like four and a half billion years when’s the sun gonna hatch already

(via basedgosh)


a true fact about spiders is they can’t run for extended periods of time because they have asthma. all spiders are nerds. even tarantulas. have you ever seen a spider dating a hot babe? i doubt it. spider flashing his cash in the club? nope. spider pulling up beside you at the lights in a lamborghini? never happened. they’ve got so many eyes because they love reading. nerds. all of them.

(via fake-mermaid)


thanks, apprehensive shark! 


thanks, apprehensive shark! 

(via pizza)



remember this show where this one dude had to guess what is he smelling and he put his nose into someones asshole and went “smells like ass” and the commentator went “correct” and this dude did the funniest expression ever. wheres that gif


(via rubee)


spelling bee administrator: you word is delicious
me: D to the E to the L I C I O U S to the D to the E to the to the to the
spelling bee administrator: hit it fergie

(via beyoncebeytwice)

hey illuminati if you see this i’d like to join the winning team


Tom Haverford, M.D.

(via rubee)

(via shouldnt)

(via policedog)